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Unkle Munky Pg 94
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. *Munky is also available here... ---- This week Munky has a sweat on... Artist - Filly. Song - Sweat. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- Copulating at Sea. Alan from Port Talbot asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter regarding copulation at sea? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Alan, I did indeed receive said correspondence. Sadly for you, I must side with your girlfriend on this particular issue. After all, if the gentle flapping of a butterfly’s wing can cause a hurricane in China, then it is highly probable that a good hard shag in a rubber dingy off the North coast of Wales has the potential to cause a tsunami on foreign shores. Alan replies - Oh bugger! 'Unkle Munky says -' And that’s out of the question too! ---- Advertisement. ---- Gail from Lisburn asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I keep getting a rash from my boyfriend’s aftershave. What can I do? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Gail, It strikes me as odd that you should even consider wearing your boyfriend’s aftershave. I can only advise that you put an end to this questionable practice. Gail replies - Oh fer fuck’s sake! I don’t use said aftershave, Munky! I get the rash from kissing him. Forget it! I’ll take my problems elsewhere. You really are shit at this agony business! 'Unkle Munky says -' How rude! ---- Bungle's Barely News. ---- Save the Snail. ''Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky’s assistant) says - Ahem. Your ‘Save the Snail’ posters have arrived, Munky.'' 'Unkle Munky says -' But I thought you’d cancelled them after realising your error? ''Mary replies - I’m afraid I was too late to cancel the five hundred posters previously ordered, Unkle Munky. We’ll just have to save the snail instead of the whale.'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Oh fer god’s sake! ---- Gavin from Essex asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Why do the bulbs in my cooker hood never seem to last for more than five minutes? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Gavin, Perhaps you are over-cooking them? Gavin replies - What the fuc…? ---- Suicide Query. Leo from Buxton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I accidentally swallowed thirty Vitamin C tablets during a recent suicide bid. I now feel as a fit as a fiddle. Can I make a claim? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Leo, Attempting to claim damages under such ridiculous circumstances is little short of farcical. I would recommend, on this occasion, that you simple bask in the healthy glow of your lamentable ineptitude. Good day! ---- Pigeon Fancier. Stan from Sedgley asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am a big fan of pigeon porn and was wondering if you might be in a position to publish an erotic still? 'Unkle Munky says -' Certainly Stan. Stan says - Phooaaarrrr. ---- Ref. Pigeon Porn. ''Dear Unkle Munky, The previous query regarding pigeon porn has caused something of an uproar. I have already received three emails from disgruntled readers of your column. I must insist that you publish an apology at your earliest possible convenience.'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Ms. Sickness, Thank you for highlighting this worrying development. It was never my intention to discriminate. I will rectify this issue shortly by publishing various other genres of porn. ''Ms. Motion Sickness replies - Oh fer fuck’s sake!'' ---- A Short Paws. A short paws whilst Munky concerns himself with a group of bored teenage penguins. ---- * (Off licence - Liquor store) ---- Angela from Oxford asks - Dear Unkle Munky, is it true that Bungle Bear will be running the London marathon in a chicken costume? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Angela, I can indeed confirm that Bungle will be running the London marathon dressed as a chicken. ''But surely Bungle is already wearing a costume, Unkle Munky?'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Uh? What do you mean? ''Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Well Bungle is just a bloke in a bear costume. What’s the point of him dressing up any further?'' 'Unkle Munky says -' I don’t know where you get these silly ideas from, Mary. Bungle is running as a chicken, and that is that! ''Ms. Motion Sickness replies - …So is he doing it for charity?''' '''Unkle Munky says -' Ahem. No, no he isn’t. He just likes dressing up. Now can we please return to the agonising issues of the day!? *Bungle Bear, dressed as a chicken, prior to the London Marathon. ---- Unkle Munky's Charity Spot. Joy from Galloway asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am curently involved with a charity called D.M.A. and was wondering if you would like to make a donation? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Joy, I am unable to locate any information relating to the charity of which you speak. What exactly does D.M.A. stand for? Lisa replies - Oh, sorry Munky. It’s Mother’s Against Dyslexia. 'Unkle Munky says -' Jeezus… ---- Unkle Munky is also available here... ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...